How to Survive Co-Parenting Chaos: Navigating the dreaded school holidays.

Navigating school holidays as co-parents can feel like "Mission Impossible". Differing schedules, expectations, and parenting styles can quickly turn what should be a fun time for your children into arguments and conflict with your ex & an unhealthy environment of tension and stress for everyone.

With a bit of planning, co-operation & flexibility, you can transform these stressful holiday periods into relaxing and enjoyable experiences for you and more importantly your kids. In this guide, we will delve into practical tips that will help you successfully manage co-parenting during school holiday breaks.

Effective Communication:

Effective communication is essential to successful co-parenting during school holidays. Below are some handy tips to consider:

• Give your Ex plenty of notice. Begin discussions well in advance of the holidays to avoid last-minute chaos.

• Consider establishing a shared on-line calendar. One that both parents can edit and add important dates and events. This ensures both parents are aware of each other's plans. If this isn't possible, send your Ex a simple, easy-to-read email, so they can refer back to it at a later date.

• Deliver all communication in a calm & respectful manner. Fight to be amicable with your Ex, no matter what you think of them. School holidays offer a valuable opportunity to recharge, reconnect with your kids and enjoy a relaxing environment. Keep cool, calm and collected, no matter what gets thrown at you. Like Robbie Williams once said, "I don't mind doing it for the kids".

• Always try to find a compromise with your Ex. It will not only resolve the immediate problem but teaches your children important skills in conflict resolution.

  Don't become a walkover, but don't worry about the little things, there is a much bigger purpose to focus on, like your kid's happiness, not how good of a negotiator you are.

Set Clear Expectations

Once you're communicating openly, it's time to set clear expectations. Have a conversation with your ex about key responsibilities like:

• Shared Budgeting for holiday activities

• Special traditions you want to maintain

• Work together and avoid 'parenting competition'. Make the holidays as enjoyable as possible for your kids but manage their expectation & ensure time spent with both parents are enjoyable, share the responsibility and share the love!!

For example, if your child loves going ice skating & watching their favourite sporting team live, then you might discuss you taking them to one event & your Ex to the other. Find out the costs of both and offer to share the costs. Also, include your children in these discussions. By managing their expectations, you help them feel involved and secure, which is crucial during potentially disruptive times.

Focus on Your Kids’ Needs

Keeping your children's well-being at the forefront of your plans is crucial.

• Tailor holiday activities to their interests and needs, not your own. If your child has a favourite place they enjoy visiting, make it a priority to plan a trip there. Your needs are important too, but plan things for you when the kids are with your Ex.

• Discuss with your Ex constructing a "healthy daily activities plan" to keep your children active and busy when they are with you and your Ex. It might be colouring in, cooking, building paper planes, kicking the footy, doing a puzzle etc. Work together to ensure they keep their intuitive little minds active and are not given too much free time to get up to mischief. Decide together how much daily screen time is acceptable during the school holidays with either parent & then stick to it. Being the "soft" parent, usually means you are causing the most problems for your child.

• Consider your child's routine. Research shows that children thrive on routine. If your kids typically have quiet time in the afternoons, respect this. Prioritising their needs leads to happier children and reduces stress for you. Be consistent. Know what their routine is and ensure you play your part in protecting it, don't make plans that disrupt their healthy routines.

• Work with your Ex to demonstrate teamwork to your kids, not aggression or other negative behaviour. You teach your children more by how you act, not by what you say to them. Children observe everything you do, show them how collaboration works, which can instill valuable life lessons about working together.

Children playing joyfully in a park during school holidays.

Manage Conflicts Gracefully

Conflict with your Ex is inevitable during the school holidays but work your butt off to remove the emotion and reduce the frequency. When disagreements arise:

• Approach them calmly

• Never argue in front of your children.

• If emotions start to run high, take a break and return to the discussion when things have cooled down.

For example, if a scheduling issue comes up, tell your Ex you need some time to consider it, instead of flying off the handle. Take some time to breathe and gather your thoughts before trying to find a compromise and re-engaging with them.

Celebrate the Small Wins

It's important to acknowledge every small victory you have with your Ex, no matter how minor it may seem. Whether you:

• Successfully navigated a scheduling issue

• Came to an agreement on sharing the cost of an activity

• Worked together on being consistent with your child's routine

Always celebrate these moments in front of the kids where possible and thank your Ex for the effort that they made to achieve the success.

This will help to build an amicable relationship with your Ex and this positive reinforcement can have a profound impact on your children. It will show them that challenges can be overcome, and that joy can exist even in tough situations.

Final Thoughts

Co-parenting during school holidays can present a wide range of challenges, yet it is entirely possible to create a joyful atmosphere with thoughtful preparation and cooperation. By prioritising communication, setting expectations, focusing on your children's needs, sharing responsibilities, managing conflicts with grace, and celebrating achievements, you can transform potential chaos into treasured memories.

Always remember "Children are like wet cement: whatever falls on them makes an impression." - Haim Ginott.

So, next school holidays with commitment and teamwork, you can not only navigate the school holidays successfully but also create long lasting memories that your children will cherish for years to come.

A family gathering in a backyard during the school holidays.